In other news, I’m definitely not doing good. I can be fucking honest here because nobody cares and that’s good cause I can really speak my mind.
Lately, after a serious bad break up, all I have is her. She knows how important she is to me, after all she made me confess my plans to finish my studies here, move to her country / city, get a job there and ask her on a date out. She didn’t made any comments but knowing her, not calling me an idiot is probably a good thing. She’s way too cryptic for a girl and I know she likes me even though I’ve been fucking up a bit lately, mostly annoying her.
I want to take a small break. This excruciating orgasm denial is not doing me any good as I obsess more and more about her and I’d rather keep it healthy. I’m taking a week off trip to a pretty european country in 2 weeks, I’ll even see an “ex” there that we’re on great terms. That’ll do me good. Besides, how more weak can she make me? I’ve already promised her everything she wants. What bothers me though is that she doesn’t realize how difficult I’m. Only she makes me like that and she doesn’t know because, well, she’s not everyone else :P
I’m super motivated, only because I want her. What will happen if any of those goals fail? That’s a seriously depressing thought. I spent too much time last night thinking about killing myself. More like a funny way to do that, but that worries me enough to i) write about it and ii) do something about that.
I’m optimistic though, because I know what I am capable of. Wish me luck.