mellon collie and the infinite sadness

As i was growing up, i got heavily interested in female domination, in many of its forms. That used to be a seperate trait of my personality. I'd always seperate that from the rest of me.
Now? Now, i'm 31 and those boundaries are not so clear anymore.
So, rediscovering myself again.

Let everything go
and stop pretending.
Don’t act like you don’t know.
Ignoring the problem won’t make it go
Embrace the truth: You’re fucked up

hate anthems

You know you’re truly over someone when you remove yourself from her dropbox’s shared folders.

Just ordered my cb6000s.

My life as I know it, is probably over.

When I get back from my next trip, around mid may, i think she’s gonna lock me up..

and that’s all I know.

After that moment, she will be my world, officially.

Too scared. Too excited. Wish I could cum, right now :(

Updates

It’s been a while since I last posted something that is not cryptic. So, let me change that.

1. New rules

For the last couple of months, I’ve been on a no orgasm without permission policy. No stops, no breaks. If I want to cum, I’ll have to ask her. No chastity belt, just pure will. Even worse, if I even want to stroke, I’ll have to ask her too.

1.A. Isn’t that difficult?

Hell yes. Even though I’ve been on the right state of mind to stop having fun on my own (hey, I’ve been serving her for a year and a half now - one, not me, could say that I’m obsessed with her), the no stroking policy was damn hard. I had to do something ultra geeky to first minimize that and then stop it. I recorded how long do I play with myself (no cumming obviously) daily, and made some charts with a goal to minimize the weekly average. It worked. 


1.B. Exceptions?

No exceptions allowed. Some fails of course, but I’m super happy with the (not-perfect) results, especially since it’s so easy for me to lose focus. Not this time. I’ll explain later why.

1.C. What about sex?

I’ve turned down many opportunities for that to happen. I’ve turned down a threesome, and I’ll probably do that again soon. One time that I was super drunk and making out with somebody, I felt that I had to stop and that’s what I did. The funny thing is that she hasn’t forbidden me any sex activities. We had a talk some months ago, but we said that we’ll talk about that later. That moment hasn’t come yet.

1.D.So are you having fun?

I’m having 3 or 4 orgasms per month. That’s the latest trend which marks a huge decrease from my expected numbers. Huge! I’m horny all the time. The no touching policy gives me some mighty hard ons that won’t go away.

I miss frequent orgasms. I miss stroking. I miss fantasizing. There are times that I hate what’s happening. There are times that I’m thinking that this has to stop. Usually happens when we have no contact for some time. Mostly, because sometimes I think she’s taking me for granted. And then, when we do talk or play, I’m back to love mode. This is quite ridiculous and explains why I’ve been using that emotional rollercoaster term (that I hate, lol). Last time she allowed me to cum, during her countdown, she was blowing me kisses. That was definitely one of the most bizarre and erotic things that have happened to me.

Anyway, long story short, I’m not sure if I’m having fun. As a submissive experience, this rocks I’m only cumming for her, when she says so, how she says so and more importantly, if she says so. She’s been in my head non stop and now that she knows that, she’s stopped caring about what I want to happen and does her own thing. A submissive’s fantasy, right? But things are more complicated than that and I won’t go there now.

I’m writing now another post, that’s not that personal and it’s about how chastity changes the way you think. Stay tuned

Buying a CB6000S in Europe - input needed

Hi guys and gals!

I’m ready to buy a CB6000S, however I was thinking if you know of any european stores that sell it? I’ve only seen the official website and the extremerestraints one, both not in Europe. It’ll take forever if it comes from the states and I wanted something faster.

If hou have anything to recommend, you’d be of great help.

By the way, I don’t want anything to do with those cheap chinese immitations.

Thanks

Chastity help

Since my cb3000 is falling apart (plastic broke and everything - hey I’ve had that since 2005) and the BON4 is just a toy, not a proper chastity belt, I’m thinking of going big and buying the CB6000.

The thing is that I don’t know if I should get the CB6000 or the CB6000S. So I need your help guys. I’m more of a grower than anything else. I can be small when not hard and over 7 inches when hard. So what the hell should I do? I think the CB6000s is better but when I get an erection, won’t that kill me??

Also, foreskin. Yep. Europe here.

Any advice would be very appreciated

The past month has been insane for me. I hate to use cliched terms like ‘emotional rollercoaster’ but fuck, this sums it up exactly.

It seems that every new episode, perplexes things even more.

Yesterday was by far the weirdest installment. It’ll take me days to analyze that in my brain.

Or you know what. I’d rather get drunk and stop thinking.

Overthinking is a curse. Goddamnit!

Some statistics

She allowed me to cum 5 times in December.

She allowed me to cum 3 times in February.

I’ve only cum once in March and it’s March 13th already.

I’m horny all the fucking time. She won’t even allow me to stroke unsupervised. And I’m into her so much that I’m actually obeying that order. I don’t think I’d do that for anyone else…

So yea, I’m having fun(?)

*January doesn’t count, as there was lots and lots of fun with her, in person :P

The Clod and the Pebble
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Love seeketh not itself to please,
Nor for itself hath any care,
But for another gives its ease,
And builds a heaven in hell’s despair.”

So sung a little Clod of Clay,
Trodden with the cattle’s feet,
But a Pebble of the brook
Warbled out these metres meet:

"Love seeketh only Self to please,
To bind another to its delight,
Joys in another’s loss of ease,
And builds a hell in heaven’s despite.”

(Written by William Blake, Songs of Experience)

One of my favorite poems ever. No matter who you choose to side with; the innocent clod or the experienced pebble, someone in this relationship is still losing.

I usually side with the pebble..

The story: A Domme I've served 7 years ago makes an online appearance and talks to me.
Domme: Hi, how are you?
Me: I'm good, you?
Domme: *asks personal questions about me, if I'm seeing anybody*
Me: *responds
Domme: *sends me new pictures of her, giving me her updates, personal life, job, etc etc
So far the conversation is rather fluent and engaging. Compliments are given back and forth, remembering the good old times, etc. Then comes this bit:
Domme: And youre just stuck on this girl? Like you dont want to serve anyone else
Me: No, sorry, I'm focused, at least for now as those things don't last forever
And that was the end of the conversation. All of that (engaging) chat was just a prelude to get someone to serve her (read - tribute her). And mind you, we had a history. I used to serve her for some time and *cough* things got too far. Like she was asking me to move to the states with her, marriage and stuff like that.
And then this conversation takes place.
I ask you, dear readers, when you've been involved with the world of financial domination, a world where your interactions with Dommes get translated to money, how can you be sure that there can ever be a real personal connection? How can you ever be sure that you are given attention because of who you are and not because you're a potential tribute opportunity?
I'm gonna repeat myself here, as a sort of personal reminder, because sometimes I tend to forget..
"You should never ever mix relationships with money"

Sex Questions. Leave a number.

fuckyeahsurveys:

1. Have you ever had intercourse?
2. Oral sex?
3. Licked an ass?
4. Had your ass licked?
5. Stuck your tongue in their ass?
6. Swallowed cum?
7. Practiced bondage or BDSM?
8. Had anal sex?
9. Had an orgasm from anal sex?
10. Ever squirted or made someone squirt?
11. Had sex with someone of the same sex?
12. Did a threesome?
13. Did a foursome?
14. Been in an orgy?
15. Been in a gangbang?
16. Had sex in public?
17. Snowballed?
18. Had your toes licked or sucked?
19. Licked or sucked someone’s toes?
20. Had sex with more than one person (one on one only) in a day?
21. Had sex with more than one person (one on one only) in a week?
22. Had cyber sex or phone sex?
23. Reached on orgasm?
24. Watched porn?
25. Bought a dirty magazine?
26. Posted nude pictures of you on the net?
27. Let someone video tape you having sex?
28. Had sex without protection?
29. Had someone give you a cum facial or given someone a cum facial?
30. Have you participated in any type of golden showers?
31. Have you let anyone or have you shit on anyone?
32. Had sex with a friend’s significant other?
33. Ever did one of your significant other’s friends or relative?
34. Have you ever cheated on your significant other?
35. Made someone pass out from sex?
36. Tasted your own cum?
37. Masturbated?
38. Let someone watch you?
39. Ever showed you naked on cam?
40. Had sex while on your period or while someone was on their period?
41. Been eaten or eaten someone?
42. Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?
43. Had sex in a vehicle?
44. Been caught having sex?
45. Paid for sex?
46. Used toys during sex?
47. Used food?
48. Like pain from a little to extreme during sex?
49. Ever been dominated in bed?
50. Ever had a wet dream?
51. Like to have your ass slapped during sex?
52. Like having your nipples licked, sucked, or bitten?
53. Had sex with someone who you didn’t know their name?

The strange moment when you realize you’ve done all but 2 things.. (And even more..)

I thought I lived in a fat country until i visited the states. WTF guys?

not even 4 times a month

(maybe) once every 8 days…

My ‘sex’ life lately..

It’s only a matter of time..

  • It’s only a matter of time before we have way more Dommes than paying subs in related websites.
  • It’s only a matter of time before Dommes won’t be all supportive to each others.
  • It’s only a matter of time before one Domme’s loss is another Domme’s gain.
  • It’s only a matter of time before this whole thing turns into a girl competition.
  • It’s only a matter of time before girls realize that they have to ‘sell’ their skills
  • It’s only a matter of time before the beautiful world of ‘offers’ and ‘promotions’ gets into this. Before we see ads like: ‘get one session and get another one for free (*)’. Or ‘buy 2 clips, get one more for free’. You know, like pizza ads.

It will be entertaining for sure. And it’s inevitable. It will happen for sure. Why? Because people still think it’s easy money.

News flash: it’s not. 

It’s not easy and you’ll get more frustrated than anything else, at least in the beginning. But when a girl tells her friends about what she’s doing she’ll only highlight the good aspects, right?

Anyway, until that happens…

(*) That has actually happened to me, around 2008 I think. A Domme I played with on Skype told me that the 2nd time we’d play she’d only ask for a fraction of the tribute that I sent her for the first time. There was no second time.

Selfie (in chains)..
Oh and don’t be fooled by the ‘normal’ clothing. There’s a black metal t-shirt underneath :P

Selfie (in chains)..

Oh and don’t be fooled by the ‘normal’ clothing. There’s a black metal t-shirt underneath :P